Starting Nursery, School or Childcare and Still Not Potty Trained? No Worries!
September is getting closer. The uniform might be bought, the nursery bag labelled and the new shoes ready by the door.
But there's one thing still playing on your mind...
They're not potty trained yet.
If that's you, firstly, no worries. You're certainly not alone, and it doesn't mean you've failed or left it too late.
After more than 20 years working with children and families, I've supported many children through this transition, including children who didn't begin toilet learning until just a couple of weeks before starting nursery.
And yes, they got there.
The important thing isn't panicking because September is approaching. It's helping your child learn this new skill with confidence, connection and plenty of encouragement.
Have You Ever Wondered...?
Once the nappies come off, parents suddenly discover there are a LOT of potty-training questions nobody warned them about.
Have you ever wondered...
Why is my child suddenly weeing MORE now we've taken the nappy off?
It can seem completely backwards, can't it?
You've removed the nappy and suddenly they're asking for a wee every five minutes!
But there's a perfectly reasonable explanation. In nappies, children don't get the same feedback from their body because everything is absorbed. Once the nappy disappears, they're suddenly noticing all those little sensations and learning what a full bladder actually feels like.
Those frequent little wees are often simply part of learning.
And if you've introduced a little reward for successful wees, don't be surprised if your clever toddler suddenly discovers they can squeeze out another tiny wee to earn another one!
Should Boys Wipe or Shake?
Now there's a question you probably weren't expecting to Google when you became a parent!
In the early stages, I generally recommend keeping things simple.
A quick dab with toilet paper can help boys stay clean and dry and prevent those annoying little dribbles when nappies first come off.
Later, as boys grow and begin using urinals, they'll naturally learn other ways of doing things.
Right now, the important skills are recognising the feeling of needing a wee, getting to the potty or toilet and finishing the wee there.
The finer details can come later.
Have I Left Potty Training Too Late?
This is probably one of the biggest worries I hear from parents, particularly as nursery or school approaches.
No.
There is no magical birthday when a child suddenly becomes "late".
Children should ideally be able to manage the toilet independently before starting school, but that doesn't mean we should rush children into potty training before they're ready.
Everything you've already been doing counts.
Reading potty books together.
Talking naturally about wees and poos.
Practising pulling trousers and pants up and down.
Watching Mum, Dad or siblings use the toilet.
Choosing pants together.
All of these little experiences are preparing your child for what's coming.
Why Does My Child Suddenly Want to Be a Baby Again?
This one can really surprise parents.
Potty training is a huge emotional transition.
Your child is moving away from something they've known since birth — nappies — and towards greater independence.
They may be incredibly proud one minute and asking to be your baby again the next.
I've seen children suddenly want more cuddles, ask for old bedtime songs or want Mum or Dad to do things they were previously happy doing themselves.
That's not necessarily regression.
Sometimes they're simply asking:
"I'm growing up... but I'm still your baby too, aren't I?"
And the answer can absolutely be yes.
Give them the cuddle. Sing the song. Offer the reassurance.
Growing independence doesn't have to mean losing closeness.
Why Won't My Child Use Public Toilets?
You finally crack using the toilet at home...
Then you go shopping and suddenly your child won't go anywhere near the toilet!
Again, look at the situation through your toddler's eyes.
Public toilets can be enormous, echoey and unfamiliar.
Then somebody presses a hand dryer and suddenly it sounds like a jet engine has started behind them!
I've cared for children who appeared frightened of certain outings when eventually we realised it wasn't the place they feared at all — it was the public toilets and particularly the hand dryers.
So don't automatically assume your child is being difficult.
Try quieter toilets. Let them cover their ears. Use paper towels instead of hand dryers where possible, and if they're frightened of the flush, wait until they've left the cubicle before flushing.
Understanding the fear gets you much further than forcing them through it.
Why Has Everything Gone Wrong on Day Three?
Day one: AMAZING.
Day two: We've cracked this!
Day three...
"I WANT MY NAPPY!"
Sound familiar?
Many children experience an emotional wobble somewhere between days three and seven.
At first, potty training is new and exciting. Then the realisation hits:
Hang on... you mean I'm wearing these pants EVERY DAY now?!
That's a pretty big life change when you're two or three.
Tears, clinginess and resistance don't necessarily mean potty training has failed.
Stay calm, stay reassuring and keep things as pressure-free as possible.
What About Nap Time?
Another question parents worry about is whether putting a nappy on for an afternoon nap will confuse their child.
If you decide your child still needs one for sleep, take it off as soon as they wake and offer the toilet.
Daytime potty learning and night-time dryness are different developmental stages, and there is absolutely no need to rush night-time dryness.
Potty Training Is About More Than Wee and Poo
One of the biggest things I've learned from supporting hundreds of children is that potty training isn't simply about getting wee and poo into a potty.
It's about confidence.
Body awareness.
Communication.
Independence.
Connection.
And, perhaps most importantly, readiness.
Your child isn't failing because their friend's child got there first.
And you haven't failed because the nursery or school start date suddenly seems frighteningly close.
Starting Nursery, School or Childcare Soon?
If you're looking at the calendar thinking:
"We've really got to sort this potty training!"
Please don't turn that thought into panic.
Start with preparation. Keep things positive. Listen to what your child's behaviour is telling you and remember that you're teaching a completely new life skill.
And if you're wondering about all those other questions nobody seems to talk about...
Should I use rewards?
Why are they suddenly touching their private parts now the nappy is off?
How often should I remind them to wee?
What if they can't tell me how they feel about the potty?
What happens when they refuse altogether?
You're certainly not the first parent to wonder.
That's exactly why I wrote The Only Potty-Training Book Mum Will Ever Need — Told by a Toddler Who's Learning Too!
It's a practical, confidence-building guide that walks you step by step through toilet training, while also helping you see the whole experience from your toddler's point of view.
Because potty training doesn't have to be difficult or stressful.
Sometimes we simply need to understand what's going on in that little head on the other side of the potty.
Start your potty-training journey with confidence — and help your little one move from nappies to pants feeling proud, capable and understood.
Happy Potty Training,
Em x
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